Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Creepy Bat Chronicles Part 12: A Curse on All Bat Kind

It was a dark and stormy night...

A bit cliche... No?

There was a terribly powerful wind storm last night. Strong and wild enough to make our poor old house shudder and creak. At times, it sounded as though the roof was being blown away. If you live on the east coast, you probably know what I'm talking about...

The storm was scary enough to give any small, winged creature a terrible fright. Any intelligent creature worth its salt would naturally seek protection and shelter from the wind and rain.

I accept that. I'm perfectly ok with that. But not in my house.

There I was, lying in my bed in the dark, listening to the storm outside, with my little baby snuggled up next to me. After a great deal of complaining and struggling, he had finally consented to fall asleep. The metal roof had been making fluttering noises for quite some time, but I was ignoring them and scrolling through Google Reader to pass the time. Setting my laptop aside, I shifted Joseph into my arms and made to get up so that I could put him down in his crib for the night.

I swung my leg over the side of the bed and let out a startled squeak. There had been a definite fluttering near the floor that had nothing to do with the metal roof overhead. I had disturbed something and it wasn't happy about it... It began flapping about and then took flight and swooped in circles around my darkened bedroom and my head. In dread, I thought, "OH NO!! NOT AGAIN!!!!"

Then, grasping my startled baby more tightly, I jumped up, shouted "STEPHEN!" and ran for the bedroom/nursery door. "STEPHEN!! There's a bat! A BAT!!!" Closing the door behind me, I ran into Stephen's office. Stephen looked up from his game of Call of Duty and looked at me like I was going crazy. Maybe it was the fact that I was hopping around and pointing frantically in my underwear.

"A bat?!?"
"Yes!! A bat! In the nursery!"
"How did it get in??"
"I don't know!! Probably through the addition"
"But it's sealed off!"

Stephen went into the nursery/bedroom suite, switched on the lights, and looked around. No fluttering creatures of the night were in sight. He gave me a questioning look.

"Are you sure??"
"Yes. I didn't imagine it. I know what bats look and sound like. Here, take Joseph somewhere else and I'll catch it. I just have to put pants on."
"You need pants to catch a bat?"
"YES. I'm not going to hunt a bat in my underwear. That's just creepy and wrong!"

I handed over my sleepy, but now very much awake baby and went in search of a bucket and some pants. Fully dressed, I creeped back into my bedroom and began banging and shaking out anything that could be concealing a bat. "Here, devil spawn. I promise not to pull off your creepy little wings if I catch you... Maybe. Pleeease don't be hanging from the clothes in the closet!" After searching for a couple of minutes and finding no bats, I began to question if I had imagined the whole thing. None of us would be able to sleep in the room unless I discovered a bat.

Then I bumped into a roll of fabric in the corner and heard the telltale chittering and flapping of my little sworn enemy. I let out a shriek and danced back to avoid being flown at. After a some considerable shrieking and ducking, I finally managed to trap the bat under my bucket and took him downstairs.

YES! I was victorious! I was the All-Mighty Bat Huntress in cloudy pink footie pajamas. The evil little bat would see my flannel encased feet and flee in terror.

Ok, maybe not. But it could happen!

Why footie pjs?? Well, in my rush to find pants, I didn't really worry about fashion. I simply dug through my as yet unpacked suitcase in the hall (from our Thanksgiving travels) and grabbed the first thing that came to hand.

Why did I have footie pjs in my suitcase?? Because my son peed on my dress Thanksgiving morning as we were leaving for NJ and all of my clothes were at the bottom of the trunk... So my sister-in-law Theresa gave me the only pants left in her drawers at her parent's house.

Why does Theresa have footie pjs?? BECAUSE SHE'S ROCKIN' AWESOME! Why do you ask?

Behold! My Thanksgiving morning awesomeness!

Anyways, the little bat found my pink footie pjs terrifying and he instantly fled the premises when I was merciful enough to release him back in to the terrible storm.

As for how the little devil got in to my bedroom in the first place... The doorway between the addition and the nursery is totally sealed off... Except for one little bolt hole...

Bats don't need much space to find a way into a warm and non-windy area. Nothing a little packing tape can't take care of for the time being. Hopefully, that will keep the little demons out of our bedroom! With some help from a rosary... ;)

Then, I had to try and convince this...

...that it was truly well past his bedtime. Do you think he believed me?

In conclusion, for scaring the wits out of me, for invading my bedroom, for having the audacity to return to my home after having been summarily banished, and especially for waking up my sleeping child and convincing him that 11pm is the best time ever... I curse all of bat kind! STAY OUT OF MY HOUSE!!

I dislike bats. Can you tell?


  1. Ew~ I hate bats~!!! I'm glad everyone is safe :) But WOW GO Caroline...I wouldn't have handed Alana to Dan, I'd shove a bucket in Dan's hand and tell him to go get the bat haha :)

  2. A) I am SO SAD that I didn't get to see the footie pjs on Thanksgiving morning!!
    B) You are an awesome bat huntress and way braver than me.
    C) You are much kinder than I am because I would have been tempted to squish the offending monster.


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