Monday, August 3, 2009

"Did I cut the right one?" OR "Why I should NEVER become a plumber!"

We were having a few water pressure issues. Primarily with the hot water in the kitchen. The hot water just sort of dribbled pathetically out of the faucet. The cold water was fine, but the Professor wanted to try to fix the hot water. I had NO CLUE how, but he had some ideas and when it comes to things like electronics, electric wiring, plumbing, etc., I place my trust in him.

So, first we went to Lowes to get some materials.

This was my first clue that I am not cut out for plumbing. You know the hardware section of Lowes? The aisles with about a billion different size screws, nails, washers, bolts, and other doohickeys? I get sensory overload in those aisles. There's too much stuff for me to focus on. I can't find anything because I can't figure out where to look. It's like when a waitress hands me a menu with about 5oo items on it. I don't know where to start and therefore I tend to just let my gaze wander aimlessly. I have trouble focusing enough to pick something.

Well, the plumbing aisle is a lot like that. There are about a billion different little connector parts, nozzles, different types of piping, etc. The Professor knew what he was looking for, but he was having trouble finding it amidst so many parts. There were elbows, male connectors, knobby things, female connectors. I had a my own personal "Oh, I get it!" moment with the male and female connectors. Yeah. I was a little slow on that one. Don't worry, the Professor already made fun of me for it.

Eventually, I gave up looking because I wasn't really sure what I was looking for and I transformed into a five-year-old.

Huh. I wonder how many of these little knob things will fit on my fingers? Cool! This rubbery pipe connector thingy majigger fits all the way up my arm! "Hey, look, love! Urban jewelry!" (Professor rolls his eyes) Ooo, this one fits on my head like a crown! I'm tired. How much longer do we have to stay in the store?! I'm hungry. I want dinner now! Ooo, shiny pipe! It would make a terrific telescope! "Ahoy, matee!" (Professor rolls his eyes).

I wish I had pictures for you, but I didn't have my camera with me. Maybe next time?

Anyways, once we got home, the Professor got to work.

He removed the old, smaller pipe that was giving us such poor hot water pressure and attached a new copper connector. Cleaned it with a wire brush to ensure a good fit.

Unrolled and straightened the wider copper piping that we would be using.
Then came the part I wasn't expecting.

"Hey, wife? I need your expertise. Will you come help me?"

My expertise? What expertise? "Sure love! What do you need?"

"Well, I'm too big to get back there, pull the old piping out, and get the new piping up through the floor. You should be small enough to fit back there though!"

*gulp* "Back there?""ARE YOU CRAZY??? DO YOU SEE HOW MANY SPIDER WEBS ARE BACK THERE?!?! NO WAY! NOT HAPPENING!"Damn your pretty blue eyes!

"Fine. But a lesser wife would never do this for you. I want you to remember that... And I hate you."

"I know. That's why I didn't call down any of my lesser wives. Only the bestest!"

"You have lesser wives?!? You are in SOOO much trouble!"

I have no problem with killing bugs. I don't much like them, but I'm not about to jump up on a chair if I see a cockroach. I'm going to kill that sucker. I'm really not a big fan of spiders, though, and crawling in spider infested areas gives me the creeps. So, after cleaning as much of the spider webbage away with a stick as I could, I climbed on up and started trying to pull the old hot water piping down. It wasn't budging. So I suggested we clip it. I did so, and then immediately noticed the pipe coming down on the other side of the beam... (it was dark back there and I was using a flashlight, so I hadn't seen it at first)

"Umm. I hope I cut the right one..."

"That's not funny. Don't say stuff like that!"

"Is the hot water on the right or left?"

"The left."

I'm a terrible plumber. The reason the pipe wasn't budging? Was because it was the cold water piping and it was still attached above the floor. I pulled on the hot water piping and it came right down. Let's here it for me... GRR. I even got the new shiny pipe up there no problem. The lesson for the day - double check with your husband before cutting anything in the cellar!And we had enough copper piping to replace the cut cold water pipe!We had some issues with connecting them in a few places and that led to some leakage whenever we turned on the water to check it.

After another trip to Lowes to get a more compatible compression fit, we eventually got it right though. Everything is connected and doesn't leak anymore. Thank you, Professor. Oh, and sorry about that whole cutting the wrong pipe thing... I promise never to become a plumber.
Oh, and during my adventures crawling around in spider infested territory, I knocked the Professor's favorite Maglite down inside some cinderblocks. About 2 feet down.
"Hey, love? How much do you like that Maglite?"

"It's a really great light. WHY?"


"It fell. I'll get it."

You know that scene in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom? When the annoying Willie Scott has to reach into a gooey, crawling hole to pull a lever in order to save Indie and Short Round?

Yup. That about sums it up.

It wasn't nearly that bad. I cleaned out the spiderwebs and it was mostly a clean reach. The problem was I was replaying that scene in my mind and my imagination was going wild when I reached down into that hole. It made my skin crawl. There was a lot of "I hate you, I hate you!" being directed at the Professor.
And all of that is why I should never become a plumber. Ever.

But we accomplished our mission!


  1. You are all that is woman. I think I would have voted for hiring someone. And we've only hired anyone for anything once. But Indiana Jones scenes are where I draw the line. ;)

    Also... don't feel bad you cut the wrong one. If you do that enough The Professor will stop asking you to do stuff! ;)

  2. I'm almost at the point where I'm going to suggest hiring someone to remove our bats. I had to chase a live, flying one around the house with a trash can yesterday!


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