Leaves of Three, Let Them Be

A few days ago, my neighbor Kenny knocked on my door to warn me of a very serious threat to my well being. Unbeknownst to me, poison ivy had completely taken over the right side of my front garden bed.

INVADERS!! Do you see that! It's even trying to take over my front steps! Why did Kenny know about this and not me? Because I mostly use the side door and Kenny hangs out in the front of his house right next to my garden beds. (Can they be "my" garden beds if I had nothing to do with their existence?)

Let me tell you a little story about my past with poison oak/ivy. We do NOT get along. When I was 12, I got poison oak all over my hands and the front of my sweatshirt. When I got home, I pulled the sweatshirt over my head and ended up with poison oak all over my face. It was NOT pretty. I swelled up and was in a miserable itchy hell for weeks.  I had to sit on my hands to keep from scratching. When the itch became unbearable, I would slap my face with my hands to gain temporary relief. It was so severe, I had to get a shot in my derrière and take pills for a month. After that, I stayed far, far away from the woods. So, not surprisingly, I developed a healthy fear of poison oak and ivy which exists to this day.

The damn plant is a perennial, so I can't just wait for winter to come and kill it off!! I can't leave it there. What if some unsuspecting kids walking along the sidewalk brushes against it. What if my baby tries to play with it next summer? What if it winds its way up the column of my front porch? So I can't leave it there, but there is ABSOLUTELY NO WAY I am going anywhere near that stuff.

Do I have any volunteers? Anyone?? Hmm?? You know you've always aspired to be a poison ivy exterminator assassin extraordinaire!

No? You don't want to?

Ok. Fine. How about tips on poison ivy removal. Got any of those?