Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Reason #73 To Evict Bats

As we all know, bats can cause irreversible trauma to young children. Take Batman. He was so traumatized by bats, that he decided to dress up like a bat and fight crime. From normal child, to leather and tight wearing caped-crusader. From young, normal rich guy, to messed up, rich, forever stuck on Halloween, grown up weirdo.This is why we have to get rid of our bats.

What happens when we have children and the bats invade the house?

They'll be traumatized, that's what! They'll grow up into their own versions of Batman. Minus that whole billionaire bit.

Then, following the story line, the Professor and I will somehow die in a tragic mugging in our very small, nearly crime-free town (Reason #74 to Evict Bats) that our poor child will witness.

This trauma combined with the trauma of the invading bats will result in tights and capes, pointy eared masks, strange, chunky yellow belts, and unnaturally deep, gravelly voices.

Our poor, darling child will turn out like THIS GUY.

Think. It would be a travesty! We can't have brothers turning on brothers and sisters turning on sisters! W must prevent this terrible future from happening

So, my far off, in the way, way, way distant future child, I'm doing this for your own good. I'm getting rid of our bats because I don't want you to end up like this kid:

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